Nowadays, even a casual glance at our relationships reveals a perpetual failure on our part to hold on to a relationship in the long run. We see a lot of youngsters and a few elderly as well, fretting over their relationships.
Before the advent of internet & social media, the world has never been so much connected. In spite of this closeness and connectedness, we have forgotten the subtle art of communicating.
The bare act of speaking face to face and conveying our feelings, no longer happens.
This is as if we are trying to touch something wearing a glove, we are close and yet there is a barrier between us. We for some reason are emotionally distancing ourselves, we don’t want to feel the emotions to all their depths, we are scared to be consumed by them, we are scared to be let down, too scared to bare ourselves and confront.
In the event of a misunderstanding or a conflict, we choose not to communicate directly but to hide ourselves behind the veils of social media and send out a bleak update on Facebook / WhatsApp / Twitter etc and expect all our misunderstandings be solved magically.
While we keep waiting, if the recipient of our highly disguised “update” has read / seen the update yet, we conveniently disregard the possibility that the recipient might not even have read / checked out the update completely. It may so happen that they might have seen it at a wrong time and your so called coded message might not have deciphered correctly to them.
Communication is not a one way process, where you put out your update and leave all the blame on the other for not understanding. It is a two way process. One of the important things in communicating is taking feedback. When we are speaking to someone face to face, we can take a note of several non verbal cues. The spoken words and for that matter typed words as well play only 35% role in communication, the rest 65% are a combination of non verbal cues. So just imagine how effective our digital conversations can be, let alone the silent conversational approach through “Status Updates”.
Having acknowledged that there is a problem in the way we communicate or not communicate. Let’s see what we can do about it.
Firstly, we need to understand that, for any relation, not only romantic, to be successful, there needs to be timely expression of feelings and things that concern. When we suppress ourselves and fail to communicate effectively, we give a chance to the other person to think of all the possibilities, highly likely, all of them false assumptions.
We should refrain ourselves from bottling up things and exploding all at once. Instead when we develop a trust based communication, to open up and clear things as and when they arise, we do ourselves a favour in the long run.
Secondly, when things go wrong, it happens because we are only humans. We need to make a deliberate attempt to resolve issues whenever they crop up. Meet up personally, somewhere outside of your regular hangout places. Try to reach out & discuss the issue with an open mind, you will be surprised by the reality & the ease with which the things can be sorted out, when you confront and discuss things directly.
In order to have such a discussion and to take it to this level, it requires two people who are pretty serious about their relationship.
Hoping to solve your problems by posting updates about them on social media is illogical and ridiculous to think of. A successful relationship needs two people, who are ready to commit to each other and there is an effort from both the sides to make it happen. What makes a relationship work is not how similar you are, it is actually the part where you have the best understanding of your differences.
It requires continuous effort, commitment and two people who refuse to give up on each other, to make any relationship work.